So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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