Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
