its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just found puke in my bra..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize