I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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