my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
