..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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