he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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