Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
