We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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