Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize