either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
