that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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