I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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