after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
