sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
