i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
two words...techno handjob
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
