it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
