Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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