Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
