whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
