i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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