my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think a kid would responsible me up
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
