Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize