He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
