My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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