as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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