I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
