just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
