is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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