My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
