I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
