His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
