did you get engaged???
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
