We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
