I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
