I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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