Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
