Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
