Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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