But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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