Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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