I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
