I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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