6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
