Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
