u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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