I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
