Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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