Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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