oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
