i think my mom watched the whole time
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
