Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i think im in europe. pls send help
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