There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
