I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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