ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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