every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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