..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
