i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
