Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
