You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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