one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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