You're completely useless in the revolution.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
