is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
