i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
