Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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