We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
