All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
