he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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