I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
