Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
