You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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