You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
